This Just In: K-Fed Now A Fat Ass

News of which has been presented under the headline that this “shocks fans.” When it comes to non-talent celebrities, I have a morbid curiosity as to what exactly people are a “fan” of? Is it Federline’s extraordinary ability to open the passenger door of his suped-up, bitchin’ El Camino while balancing three cases of Corona with one hand, as documented for historical posterity by TMZ? The way he carries off that prison chic of the “Pimp Daddy” clothing line? What does he do besides cash checks from his ex-wife and offer D-list waves from bad movie premieres? Is being a gigolo that impressive? And finally, why is anybody surprised that he’s porked out the same way any self-respecting, unemployed, under-educated trailer trash bum is expected to?

So many questions about so few brain cells.

~Beez